i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
pop tarts are not kleenex
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
