he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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