life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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