i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
