sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
