Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Randomize
