You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
