Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize