after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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