What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
