Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize