You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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