If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
