I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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