i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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