If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
