Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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