YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
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