Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
