pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
