32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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