It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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