dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
