mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
