Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
