just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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