So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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