Please, let me fuck your mom
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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