The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My penis needs a shock collar
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Randomize
