I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
