I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
