I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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