I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
