found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Randomize
