Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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