Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
