I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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