He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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