Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
