He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
