Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
