The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
