girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize