She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
