That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
