the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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