I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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