As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
