god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
