somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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