haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
