ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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