Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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