If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
