the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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