How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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