i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize