Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
