doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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