Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
