My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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