I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
