You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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