10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
