I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
