well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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