Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
