Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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