I will die if light touches me.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
