and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
