marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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