i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
