i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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