When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
