I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize