Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
