my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize