you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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