I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
birth control should be required to get into college
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize