If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
