I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
